Astoundingly Disarming Pick-up Lines that are sure to 'Wow' any Girl..on Opposite Day

I feel that no blog would be complete without some variation of a top ten list or use of superlatives. So to be entirely original, I introduce my review of the worst pick-up lines that I had recently encountered during a night out with gal pals, Wendy and Claire. Let me assure you that I am not referring to the garden variety type, which would include the 'I wish I could rearrange the alphabet, so I can put U and I together' zinger. No, these were far more heinous and offensive. My advice to those of you who intend to use pickup lines this summer and hope to be successful, don't use any of the following:

1. China or Japan?
This question was accompanied with some heavy breathing (the guy leaned in and spoke into my ear, presumably bc he thought that I was hard of hearing or that English was my 2nd language). Just to give him the benefit of the doubt, I asked him to clarify his question - was he asking where I was from or trying to answer a question that he saw on Jeopardy regarding those two countries? He was in fact, asking where I was from. I snidely informed him that I was from North Carolina and that Claire and Wendy were respectively from Texas and Baltimore.

2. Wahhh, Hai-Yuh!
Fucking Asshole appeared to be suffering from a seizure, but was really making an inept attempt at doing a series of karate chops and high kicks. None of us felt that his idiocy merited a verbal response so we gave him our deader than dead death stares. It probably would've been more satisfying to deck him, but then again, none of us wanted to make any sort of physical contact with him. Dumbass, I wouldn't touch you to scratch you.

3. Ya want to go with us?
I don't think that there's anything inherently wrong with this line - I merely suggest that one introduces himself before using it, which in our case, the guy didn't. We were at the bar for all of 5 minutes when he approched Wendy from behind, tapped her on the shoulder and asked. He seemed genuinely surprised and agitated when she said no.

4. Do I look Vietnamese?
This line was equally as amusing. We were at Veselka in the midst of discussing the finer points of jam vs. jelly (I still have yet to fully understand the distinction, and preserves and all-fruit just add to the confusion) and whether all cultures have a version of dumplings. (I would also add that I highly recommend the mixed perogi plate at any point in the day, though at 4 am, they are exceptionally good). Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a group of staggeringly drunk guys in our proximity, one of whom was nodding off at the table, head in hand. Another was progressively inching toward our table when his friend decided to solicit our opinion on whether he looked vietnamese. None of us thought he did, though he insisted he was. It was actually a refreshing change to have someone ask us what ethnicity we thought he was rather than vice versa.

My conclusions for the night were a) stupid people are unfortunately mobile and can be found in all parts of the world, trying to unsuccesfully pick up girls and b) we will probably encounter more horrendous pick up lines as the summer progresses and we stay out later.

Thanks for checking in,
-E