Apparently Not Everybody's Favorite Hummus

Now that summer has officially arrived - as noted on google.com (love the holiday variations of the logo on their website), I'm enjoying a variety of leisurely outdoor activities, which given my own tendencies and the company I keep, always involve the unabashed consumption of food and drink. With plans to meet my friends for the first Bryant Park film of the summer, I thought, what better way to kick off the season and outdoor film series, then with a tub of Bobbi's Your Favorite Hummus. Pita and veggies of course included, though merely to serve as utensils for scooping up the extremely tasty, garlicky smooth hummus. It's just that good and far superior to any other kind of hummus out there.

Thinking about it just made my mouth watered as I headed off to Whole Foods, the only known location where this hummus can be found. I browsed the produce section, picking up a few items along the way. As I approached the hummus section, I noticed that the distinctive white tub with black cap was missing. Slightly suspicious, but trying to remain calm, I took a deliberate lap around the floor, thinking that the good people at Whole Foods had moved it to another section. In previous experience, I had noticed that Your Favorite Hummus wasn't always in the hummus section, perhaps bc the other hummuses felt inadequate by comparison. I checked the cheese section and then the sauce section. Took yet another lap around the floor before asking a Whole Foods employee who gave me a completely blank look. Obviously, he had never experienced Your Favorite Hummus bc otherwise he'd know. Not sure what I was talking about, he directed me to another hummus location upstairs.

I was skeptical, but nonetheless, followed his advice and proceeded upstairs to check it out. No Your Favorite Hummus to be found, so I decided to consult customer service. Alas, two people recognized the brand and said it was an item that you either really loved or hated. They were of the former group, which I was pleased to hear. Unfortunately, they informed me that the buyer decided not to carry the item anymore bc not enough people were buying it. I was completely shocked and horrified and berating myself for not purchasing the hummus often enough to keep them from discontinuing it. I liken the experience to discovering that your favorite tv show has been canceled or that a book from your childhood is out of print. Or the restaurant that you always go to has closed. Strangely, all of these scenarios have happened to me recently... perhaps I have somewhat marginal preferences.

I wasn't willing to let go, so after a bit of prodding, the customer service people supplied me with the buyer's name and the store's number. Make no mistake - she will be hearing from me soon.

In short, don't let this happen to you - any item that you suspect is in danger of being discontinued, I suggest that you buy it in bulk while it's still around. Thanks for checking in.

- E

It's not easy living on Dork Street - cnn.com

CNN.com - It's not easy living on Dork Street - Apr 18, 2005
PICO RIVERA, California (AP) -- It's not easy living on Dork Street -- just ask Mario Saucedo.
"I had a resume kicked back because someone thought I was kidding," said Saucedo, who has lived on the street in this suburb about a dozen miles southeast of downtown Los Angeles for eight years.

Astoundingly Disarming Pick-up Lines that are sure to 'Wow' any Girl..on Opposite Day

I feel that no blog would be complete without some variation of a top ten list or use of superlatives. So to be entirely original, I introduce my review of the worst pick-up lines that I had recently encountered during a night out with gal pals, Wendy and Claire. Let me assure you that I am not referring to the garden variety type, which would include the 'I wish I could rearrange the alphabet, so I can put U and I together' zinger. No, these were far more heinous and offensive. My advice to those of you who intend to use pickup lines this summer and hope to be successful, don't use any of the following:

1. China or Japan?
This question was accompanied with some heavy breathing (the guy leaned in and spoke into my ear, presumably bc he thought that I was hard of hearing or that English was my 2nd language). Just to give him the benefit of the doubt, I asked him to clarify his question - was he asking where I was from or trying to answer a question that he saw on Jeopardy regarding those two countries? He was in fact, asking where I was from. I snidely informed him that I was from North Carolina and that Claire and Wendy were respectively from Texas and Baltimore.

2. Wahhh, Hai-Yuh!
Fucking Asshole appeared to be suffering from a seizure, but was really making an inept attempt at doing a series of karate chops and high kicks. None of us felt that his idiocy merited a verbal response so we gave him our deader than dead death stares. It probably would've been more satisfying to deck him, but then again, none of us wanted to make any sort of physical contact with him. Dumbass, I wouldn't touch you to scratch you.

3. Ya want to go with us?
I don't think that there's anything inherently wrong with this line - I merely suggest that one introduces himself before using it, which in our case, the guy didn't. We were at the bar for all of 5 minutes when he approched Wendy from behind, tapped her on the shoulder and asked. He seemed genuinely surprised and agitated when she said no.

4. Do I look Vietnamese?
This line was equally as amusing. We were at Veselka in the midst of discussing the finer points of jam vs. jelly (I still have yet to fully understand the distinction, and preserves and all-fruit just add to the confusion) and whether all cultures have a version of dumplings. (I would also add that I highly recommend the mixed perogi plate at any point in the day, though at 4 am, they are exceptionally good). Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a group of staggeringly drunk guys in our proximity, one of whom was nodding off at the table, head in hand. Another was progressively inching toward our table when his friend decided to solicit our opinion on whether he looked vietnamese. None of us thought he did, though he insisted he was. It was actually a refreshing change to have someone ask us what ethnicity we thought he was rather than vice versa.

My conclusions for the night were a) stupid people are unfortunately mobile and can be found in all parts of the world, trying to unsuccesfully pick up girls and b) we will probably encounter more horrendous pick up lines as the summer progresses and we stay out later.

Thanks for checking in,
-E

My Cellphone is Bigger than Yours

A few weeks ago, I lost my phone or what I think is more accurate to describe the situation is that my phone lost itself from me. I still have no idea where it is and don't know the exact day it disappeared. I spent the following week in complete denial, refusing to suspend service/buy a new phone bc I thought my phone would resurface in a very lassie come home fashion. In the meantime, I borrowed my mom's cellphone, which back in the day, was at some point cool, though it is now larger than most cordless phones and could very well be used as a weapon.

As a last resort, I asked the people at cingular if they could track it down via the GPS system, figuring that if a guy could use it to stalk his ex-girlfriend (he stuck his phone under her car), then, they could locate my phone. But apparently my phone is not on GPS, which I now know for future reference should I have a sudden urge to stalk someone, which I won't. Seriously.

I partially blame my sister who was doing me the "favor" of keeping it after I had dropped it en route to a good friend's wedding. Somehow, she was able to keep track of her phone, but not mine. Coincidence?

I have since begrudgingly purchased a new phone, though I feel absolutely no closure on the loss of my former phone and will not give up in my search efforts until the 30 day return period passes....Apparently, I could have saved a lot of $$ if I had gotten insurance on the phone, which only costs a few dollars a month, but was something I had deemed extraneous.

Take it from me, buy the insurance. Thanks for checking in!

-E